When you hear the word networking, what do you think of?
A smarmy character handing you a business card at a conference? An awkward mixer with strangers? (We’ll take a double vodka soda for those ones please.) A forced comment on an influencer’s post?
Networking feels… ick, sometimes. Right? Or at least our perception of it makes us feel uncomfortable.
Unless you’re a fearless extrovert networking feels like the first day at a new school for most.
But we’re told it’s important. And necessary. If not groundbreaking and career-making. So we need to reframe how we think about networking. The way we’re going to do that is by treating networking like friendship.
Proximity Matters
How did you meet some of your closest friends?
Think about it.
Are they the people you ran up to in a crowded mall? Or were they close to you in some way? Perhaps a schoolmate or a co-worker or a neighbor. Maybe they were a friend of a friend. Odds are though, you weren’t just two strangers who bumped into each other randomly.
Proximity has a lot to do with friendship. It also has a lot to do with networking too.
Often when you feel awkward about trying to connect in a professional setting it’s because there’s too much distance between yourself and the person you’re trying to connect with.
What you need to do is close the gap.
The same way you wouldn’t be able to just walk up to a celebrity’s home and have a chat, it’s not usually warranted (or fruitful) to ambush a professional you’d like in your circle. Instead, focus on getting closer.
Yes, connect on social media and be an active part of their online community. But there are likely thousands of you doing that. You have to go further.
- Make a purchase. If they have courses, books, paid memberships, or products, pick one up. This takes you from an outside observer to the first layer of connection. It’s like going from living in the same town to going to the same school.
- Get to know the friends of your target. When you buy something from a person you admire, you are in a club of like-minded folk. Get to know them. Not only do they have a lot in common with you, but they are perhaps already connected to the person you’re trying to reach. Now you’re in the same class as your would-be friend.
- Make a bold move. Are they hosting an event in your area? Asking for volunteers to assist with a project? Opening up a contest? Go. Put yourself in a daring position to be seen. Now you’re at a party with the person you want to meet.
- Leave some room for serendipity. You can’t force a friendship or a networking relationship. There have to be some natural elements that you leave up to fate. If you are trying to make a connection happen it’s going to require an effort but also surrender. If this partnership is meant to be and you’re putting yourself in the sphere of the person you want to be connected to, it will happen.
Put Who You Are Out There (ATTRACT)
Here’s the part where we beat our drum about content.
Sometimes networking has NOTHING to do with you reaching out to someone you admire. In beautiful business moments, it can mean that person comes to you.
The way you make that happen is through producing content that will attract those who need to be in your network.
If you are building a body of work with consistency and clarity, you will begin to pop up on their radar as they have on yours.
Instead of just attending the summit your networking amiga is hosting, why not submit to be a speaker there? Instead of blogging about your work exclusively on your site, offer to guest post on their platform. And also make sure you are guest posting on sites they tend to follow.
If you are playing quirky indie music that your co-worker also listens to, how likely is it you’ll start talking about your favorite bands? Often when you wear who you are on your sleeve, the people drawn to that vibe will arrive.
You Know When You’re Clicking
Not every networking dream becomes a reality. The bottom line is, you can be a good fit on paper and not jive when push comes to shove. If when you get connected, you’re vibing big time, by all means, move further and deeper into that networking friendship.
However, if it feels tough at every step and like it just isn’t clicking, be okay with calling it. You know what it feels like when you are on the same page with someone. And you know what it feels like when you’re not. Sometimes your best friend’s other best friend isn’t your cup of tea. Running in the same circles does not always create a perfect scenario for partnership. Be mindful of how things are going and how you are spending your energy.
Friends are sometimes found when you’re not looking. In networking, if you linger too long trying to get the popular kids’ attention you might miss the chance to team up with the rebellious, badass eating Cool Ranch Doritos under the bleachers.
It’s More Than “Give To Get”
Often when it comes to networking a passed around piece of advice is to “give more than you get.” A sort of “what goes around comes around” philosophy.
But this can often feel just as inauthentic if you’re doing it intentionally. If you are offering a product review because you’re hoping they’ll share it and you’ll get more followers, that is beneficial to them, yes, but is it really for them?
In your ordinary life, do you send a friend a “Thinking of You” card just so you can get one back?
Approach networking similarly. You can just do good deeds and offer service without any expectation. You don’t always need to strategize how doing X will get you Z, you can just do X and continue on your path. You’ll feel better and you won’t have to worry if your intentions were in the right place. The action won’t go unnoticed.
Networking is like friendship in many ways. It’s not the easy, light part of a formed friendship, but rather the groundbreaking and foundational work of getting that relationship off the ground.